Judging by the eye-watering, nose-stinging atmosphere of the void deck nowadays, I collect it’s, as soon as once more, the Chinese seventh month, extra popularly often called Hungry Ghost Festival.
But point out “Hungry Ghost Festival” to anybody below 30 in Singapore, and also you’re more likely to get the identical clean look as if you happen to’d talked about “MSN Messenger” or “The Pyramid Game”.
Unfortunately, Hungry Ghost Festival has gone the way in which of Singapore’s longstanding telcos and banks — it’s fully out of contact. No marvel kim zua (hell cash) retailers are quickly going out of enterprise.
All just isn’t misplaced, although. With a well-timed revamp of its core merchandise, kim zua firms might very nicely do a Singtel and Starhub and change into extra interesting to a brand new era of shoppers.
Here are 7 revamped kim zua that can make it into your IG tales (or ought to I say, Die-G tales?).
Hell cash → carbon credit
The commonest sort of kim zua is cash in sizes and shapes: Huge-ass gold cash, thicc stacks of banknotes, even freaking gold taels (what is that this, a interval drama?).
Honestly, it’s fairly rattling embarrassing that Chinese individuals care a lot about cash that they even need it within the afterlife.
In any case, it’s recognized that millennials don’t care about money-cash. I imply, we could #neverstophustling, however that’s as a result of we actually consider that we will change the world via our work. (And additionally we actually like to “do what we love”.)
I suggest that kim zua makers replace their hell cash for the trendy age by altering it to one thing that aligns higher with millennial values, resembling carbon offset credit.
Which millennial doesn’t need to save the earth, proper? Plus this entire hell-bonfire factor most likely generates a complete lot of carbon emissions.
Cigarettes & beer → acai bowl
While your deceased great-grandparents could have “requested” their favorite Marlboro cigarettes and Tiger beer from the afterlife, no self-respecting useless millennial would do this.
I imply, your physique is a temple, even in demise! Don’t desecrate it, man.
Instead, the analogous kim zua for millennials ought to take the type of wholesome indulgences, resembling acai bowls.
Delicious and healthful as they’re, with acai bowls costing as a lot as $15 within the dwelling world, they’re not precisely one thing you possibly can partake of day by day.
It’s possible that the majority of us would die earlier than ever getting our fill of it. So please, ship over some aesthetically-pleasing treats within the afterlife, okay?
Rolex → Yeezys
When it comes to private equipment, a flashy gold Rolex watch undoubtedly falls below the “yucky” class for many Singaporeans below 30.
Why would you need to put on a cheesy piece of glitz like that?
On the opposite hand, there’s nothing gauche in any respect about donning a pair of Yeezy Boost 350 V2 “Synth”, despite the fact that they’re mainly a $700 pair of outsized marshmallows.
Mercedes Benz → classic bicycle
Owning flashy European vehicles like Mercedes and BMWs is a type of issues which can be merely not carried out by anybody below 30 nowadays, until they’re a type of Top Salespeople-type insurance coverage brokers.
At least I believe so, judging by the variety of millennials who’ve hit Platinum stage membership on GrabRewards.
On the opposite hand, a cruiser-style granny bike is the right mixture of “Scandi-chic feels” and “hopelessly impractical IRL”.
It has zero carbon footprint and appears actually fairly leaning in opposition to a wall, surrounded by houseplants. And within the afterlife, you gained’t break a sweat, so you possibly can really journey it for as soon as.
Bungalow → co-living house
For the more comfortable deceased, it’s a should to burn a miniature hell bungalow, full with maid(s) to maintain it clear of ash and afterlife-dust.
But which millennial would need to personal and reside in a giant bungalow on their lonesome?
We’d quite hold issues cosy and social at a “co-living house” like Lyf serviced apartments, ideally a loft unit with a beautiful view.
Not solely wouldn’t it be superbly adorned within the “tasteful industrial” type, precisely like each cafe you’ve been to, housekeeping is dealt with discreetly as a part of the package deal so that you don’t should have a live-in servant, which is simply bizarre and possibly in opposition to the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Plus there are drinks and an acoustic jam session on the rooftop each Thursday — it’s just like the startup life by no means ends.
Mahjong desk → air-purifying houseplants
While our Chinese relations splurge on paper mahjong tables in order that our beloved ancestors gained’t get bored within the afterlife, millennials completely eschew playing basically (cryptocurrency doesn’t rely).
To my descendants, please, skip the cheesy mahjong set and burn me some air-purifying houseplants as a substitute.
I’ll most likely die earlier than ever coaxing my monstera, fiddle leaf fig and snake vegetation to bloom into precise Instagrammable ranges — one thing about vegetation not really liking being indoors and in pots? — so the afterlife is my solely probability to reside in a “jungalow”.
Time goes by slowly within the afterlife, and I’d quite spend it tending to my vegetation than taking part in ching-chong playing video games.
Roast meat → Impossible Burger
It’s customary for individuals to go away meals choices for his or her ancestors together with burning materials items, as a result of, because the identify of the competition suggests, dem ghosts be hungry.
Typically, it’s a styrofoam field of roast pork, duck or hen, however that’s hardly going to chop it for useless millennials.
Roast meats could have been the peak of luxurious within the distant previous, nevertheless it’s not gonna impress a era of jaded tastebuds who’ve grown up with poke bowls, wagyu steak and Michelin-starred ramen.
These days, the one acceptable substitute is an Impossible Burger, as a result of tasting meat whereas not really consuming meat is cool. Where else would you get such a pure marriage of meals and tech? That’s why Three Buns / Potato Head is at all times crowded.
Also, might you additionally ensure that it’s packed in a sustainable recycled-PET wrapper, and I’d prefer to request no straw for my Coke, please. Thanks.
Apple merchandise → ?
Apple merchandise are the one kim zua that doesn’t have to be up to date for the following era of the useless.